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Where Do I Find Myself

Where do I find myself? Into the frames, I look into the eyes of someone who has dreams; dreams that are my reality at this moment, and I despise that very reality. Into my thoughts I go, and my mind is no country for shallow fellows. Into my diaries I turn, and all I find are these very questions. I am exhausted. I see nowhere to go. Neither do I have any dreams that I could see through my current eyes a few years down the line. Perhaps there will come a day when I have my answers while writing my questions like these. Or at least, I hope so. I try listening to Arctic Monkeys time and again, trying to bring back my young self into me. I have zero clue why I like him; he didn’t have much life either. I try listening to BBC News on bed, as my younger self would do. I still enjoy the voices, though even they have shortened their programmes now. Not much remains for me to cherish. What wouldn’t I give to play that bamboo swing once more? I don’t even have that nothing to spend. I just hav...
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खोला

सुन्तलाका बोट थाक्दैछन्, नाशपातीले पहिल्यै हार मानिसक्यो, ज्यामिरका फल निचरिईसके, रातभर पकाएर चुक पनि बनाइसकेँ। तोरीका फूल खै कता भागे, पधेँराको पानी अब भर्न निकै समय लाग्छ, आखिर समय पनि त रातको डरले अलि कम आउँछ।गहुँका हरिया फाँटहरूसँग बर्खाको कुनै छवि पनि त छैन, किन होस्, किन भइदेओस्। मलाई भइदेओस् भन्ने जाँगर पनि छैन, म दिनलाई सबेरै छोप्न दौडिनु छ। लामा रातको अन्त्यमा विश्वास गर्न थालेजस्तो पनि लाग्छ। मैले मिठो निन्द्रा पाउँछु भनेर आइदिएकी पो हुन् कि? मेरै लागि रात भागिदेलिन् जस्तो लाग्छ। चिरा पार्ने त्यो साँठबाट बचाउन आइदिएकी पो हुन् कि? खैर, यति नै सोच्ने भए आज त म हिँडिसक्थेँ, मलाई त खोला पारी शहर पुगेर आउनु थियो। त्यो हिउँदको सुक्खा माटोमा खेल्दा खेल्दै फुटेका पैताला। त्यो चिसो खोलामा डुबाउँदै पाइला–पाइला चल्दै मलाई शहर पुग्नु छ। थाहा छैन के गर्ने, तर पुग्नु चाहिँ थियो। अब म पुगी पनि सकेँ। बर्खा भएको भए यति चाँडो पुग्दा पनि पुगिँदैन, माथि अनन्तसम्म पुगेर खोलाको मुहान माथिको चट्टान टेकेर आउनु पर्छ रे, म त गएको छैन, न त मेरा पिता, न त माता नै। हामी हिउँदमा मात्र शहर जान्छौँ, त्यही ...
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Meta

Image credit: ifunny.co Sometimes it is really interesting to take some time off, absolutely off from all the things you are constantly dwelling around, and see your tower of imagination and beliefs being torn. Its not like that it happens to me a lot but something like that happened to me at the instances when I discovered the fact that WWE fights are not real. The crumbling thing, it didn't happen to me the moment I discovered such tragedy. It happens to you in a strange way, you start questioning your beliefs. You think whether it is worth watching. The fight sequences you didn't want to miss now doesn't bother even if you missed them. Series of slow motion self doubts and detachments happen. Then, there comes a time when, even if you are reminded of it, it feels like why would you behave like that in the first place. Now, the very tragedy becomes a part of you ready to be shattered like its predecessor. The moment of discovery and realization are terms often used...
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Making Sense: माङ्गेना : नेपाल मन्थन

 Mangena, a divine act done by the creator themselves to let one held their head high. The book gets on the journey to find out through the courses of studying the Nepalese history, analyzing the fallacies in those history writing, who wrote the history and how they led the nation the way it is now. All these quests to ask us the readers as a nation whether we owe any Mangena to our fellow countrymen. Author, Yuga Pathak begins with the writings of the history in the country and, lays how it was always a particular ethnic-centric approach of the study, the sheer disregard to the diversity and the role of the elites. The book tries to make us think about our approach to development, how we are always in journey to conquest it but continuously failing to realize depth of it, the scale of foreign-aid dependence the country has risen to. The book has tried to differentiate the knowledge and wisdom, and where do the Nepalese stand on these matters. How a bureaucrat, though a person with...
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Reading Books

I am no expert on how to read or what to read. But I am slowly learning that reading really changes our perspective towards the different aspects of life and lives. The place where I come from, lacks the reading culture; hence, children are not particularly motivated or inspired to read more; they are no told there are more books outside the school books.  There is no doubt schools and colleges give us knowledge; knowledge to comprehend things and make inventions and create, but reading books outside the course gives one the perspective of the outside world. Reading makes us realize how tiny we are; how insignificant a single perspective is in a course.  Reading has me realize, how hard it is write things; articulate your opinion and make sense out of it. I came to respect writers for their ideas, opinions and, try to write myself (even though I have no skill for it). Making sense out of articulations, properly citing reasonings, reading more enough to make sense out of own's ...
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